My Life So far..

I pride myself on being able to be thick-skinned & immune to insults/snide comments given to me.  This particular "skill" has been honed over the years & years of "training" provided by family, friends & colleagues.  After undergoing the lifetime training, hell yeah, I’m be ready for all you mo’ fos’ out there.

Occassionally, I’d start letting the fortress walls down.  This is usually when I get comfortable enough with the people around me.  Then whatever they say just go by me without any effect.  These people get away lightly with a bit of warning but hey, no problems.

Today, the exact opposite happened.  There are some new people in my life now that I see daily.  These are the people who do not know me well enough.  These are the people who, in my opinion, have no freaking right to say anything about me. 

If you have been reading my blog, you would know that I’m very affected by a few things  etc my weight, my size & my inability to read/write Chinese.

Today, someone crossed 2 of those lines.  Saying I’m huge or calling me "Big sister" because of my size, still bearable.   To say out that one should learn all the bad stuff from me, asshole!!  To rub salt into the wound by saying I’m of no use because of my Chinese or lack of Chinese, FUCKER!!!

Do they even realise that it took all the courage I had to even consider working for long-term in China especially since I’m not Chinese?? Do they know what shit I had to go through to be able to dowhat I’m doing now?!? No! What makes them think that it’s their god-given right to put me down that way?

I know some people are going to say that I’m too sensitive(yes, you 2..I know u guys). In your defense, I admit I’ve been sensitive but hear me out.

Imagine it was you who had these issues.  Imagine having to deal with this everyday for the past 6 years.  Having people put you down everyday just because you weren’t "perfect".  It drains you slowly until one day…you just..SNAP!

That’s what happened to me.  I snapped!!! 

I’m depressed…

Work:

I’ve been feeling like I’m in everyone’s way when I come to work.  I don’t know Chinese which is turning out to be the MOST IMPORTANT requirement right now.  I can’t do jack shit around the office except to give suggestions & just stare at everyone.  I tried to help but I ended up being in their way so I gave up.  Giving up sucks monkey balls.

Life:

I went thru’ an "I’m unloved & unwanted" stage last night.  I was feeling insecure about myself that I actually thought that someone very special & very important to me was actually bored, pissed off, sick & tired or me..whatever you can think off, I thought about it all the way home..I keep thinking to myself,"I FuckEd Up…Bad!!"

But today, another special friend said the following that made my day so thank you..

"I was surprised that you don’t think you’re very confident.. you seem so confident to me… which is probably one of the things I thought was so sexy"

anyways, I’m less depressed now.  Thank you.

I don’t really know what I want to write but I’ve decided that today’s blog will be a commentary on life in Beijing thru’ their eyes…

Ferrari’s Comments:

Well, I still can’t accept that on Christmas eve, I spent the time cleaning up the apartment.  I had pizza while Xiaomei had fried rice for dinner afterwhich we chilled at the Beanery for a while.  Then I went back to the apartment, took a shower & went to bed. If my friends knew this was how I spent X’mas, they would so laugh their asses off…

Xiaomei’s Comments:

Lonely, I’m so Lonely…& bored!!Stomachache too!! Plus it’s too cold!!!

There you have it..Two of my housemates telling us how they spent their first Christmas in Beijing.

As for me, I went to a Christmas Hamburger Party at the Clows…that was fun, seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while.  Here’s a picture of the host:

"Hamburger Clows"

Earlier today as I was walking along Nanjing Road, I remembered what we had done last January along the same stretch of road.  I even took a couple of pictures just to "remember" the moment by.

Anyways, when I got here today together with Xiaomei & Ferrari, the weather was quite unexpected.  I actually found it a bit cold.  I knew that going back to Singapore for a week during winter was going to pose a problem for me.   This is from experience.  Everytime I leave Beijing or Shanghai to head back to Singapore and stay for at least a week, I get sick on the 8th day. 

That is what is happening to me right now.  My nose is killing me.  I have a sore throat & I feel like shit.  The best thing is I don’t even know if I can handle Beijing now if I already think that Shanghai is cold.  I know what I need most is rest, lots of rest..that means more than 3 hours of sleep per day. 

So, hopefully, I’ll be able to get some rest soon cos my body is finally ready to give up on me.  Till next time….

I was messing around and I saw this site called Blogthings.  One of it was "What’s your Porn Star name?"

I tried it & got Busty de Lusty & Spanky Bottoms..hmmmm..true??

Anyways, go ahead & try it..It’s got other stuff that you can try so go on…

I’m flying off to S’pore again tonight…sigh…tiresome but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do…

Let’s see:

Bye Yuko mummy..Sorry I didn’t get a chance to say bye to you but what am I supposed to do..you prefer Shunyi to me..*wink wink*..but I’ll be seeing you again in a week or so.  So you mustn’t miss me too much!

I apologise to anyone whom I’ve promised to spend time with but didn’t manage to.  I know, I’m a horrible person but I promise to make it up to you guys..so those who have actually hung out with me, no more hogging my time!! This time round, it’s time to share ME!!!!

Hmmm, what else,what else…

Oh yeah, I’ve been quite a camera whore lately, snapping pictures left & right just because, well just because I can..*sticks out tongue*…

Xiao Mei was craving ice cream so I brought her & Ferrari out for some Haagen-Daz.  Now, it’s just starting to be real cold here but since they asked, I gave..

We walked to Guomao from the office & along the way, decided to take a couple of pictures for memories sake.  We went bonkers for a while, 3 girls posing along the roadside,wide smiles on our faces.

At Haagen-Daz, we had the fondue just because we thought it was interesting.  Xiao Mei loved the cookies & cream, Ferrari liked the chocolate & I adored the raspberry…

Filled with satisfaction, we got hungry & I suggested Nanjie for the view & their pizza.  We had fun, all seeing the different sides of each other( You would not believe what I saw & heard from Ferrari!!) This is roughly what happened:

Old Guy: Hey, can I be friends with you?

F: Huh? Blah,blah…..yaadah,yadah..

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence,

F: Look, I have a few friends on their way now so if you don’t mind…

OG: (Raising his voice) Why the hell didn’t you just tell me to FUCK OFF  straight away??? Anyways, you know Singapore sucks for wanting to hang the Aussie guy!!!!

F: (This scared me) Then FUCK OFF then!!!!

The old guy started to get real agitated & I started to just try divert his attention from Ferrari to me..I just said in my nice voice that he should just respect the lady & walk off..The fucker turned his head towards me & started to say idiotic things..

OG: Singapore sucks!!

Me: So?

OG: Fuck Singapore!

Me: Hah!

OG: You’re fat!!

Me: I may be fat but you’re an asshole…so bye!!

Whatever,Loser!!